Emotional maturity is the product of life events and deliberate development that place a man on the path of personal development. It enables him to present himself in the world (and in his relationships) as the most healthy and genuine version of himself.
The difficulty lies in determining who has genuinely completed this inner work and who is simply putting on a show that draws you to them for the wrong reasons.
In this post, we will analyze "green lights" that indicate whether a man is actually emotionally mature based on how he lives his life, treats those around him, and...how he treats himself.
1. He exudes a relaxing aura.
Emotional self-regulation is acquired via time, experience, and maturity.
It is a big and overwhelming endeavor to confront and completely experience one's emotions. To determine whether they are grounded in reality or the misguided product of biological evolution in the modern environment.
However, if we lack the bravery to eventually learn what our deepest emotions are telling us, we will stay their slaves over time.
We will be reactive rather than proactive, acting on impulses and instincts rather than pausing to discern what our subconscious is truly attempting to teach us.
This brief pause affords us the opportunity to properly comprehend ourselves.
Consequently, it assists us in becoming more intentional and deliberate in our responses.
As we get more at ease with our reactions, we acquire confidence in a range of situations because we've demonstrated to ourselves that we can "handle anything" and are not merely ping-pong balls in the game of life.
This level of self-assurance results in a tranquility and peace that is expressed through a consistent and steady energy.
Have you ever encountered a man who appears permanently anxious? Who reacts in an excessive manner to changing circumstances or external stimuli? While this does not make him a bad person, and there are numerous explanations for the amount of reaction, he is not the type of person with whom you should associate who has struggled to moderate their responses to the outside world.
Consequently, he will be in a better position to be more patient and understanding in your relationship.
2. He says exactly what he means and means exactly what he says.
To comprehend emotional maturity, one must first comprehend emotional immaturity.
Immaturity always seeks external recognition and acceptance. To feel good about itself, it requires praise and compliments from others.
External validation is something we all appreciate, but there is a significant difference between enjoying it and relying on it.
When a man is in this stage of life, he will say and do things that are intended to earn approval. Thus, he only says things because they "sound good," not because he truly believes them.
When he matures beyond this era of life, however, he will prioritize living with integrity, which is based on one's words and deeds being congruent.
This is especially important in the beginning stages of a relationship, when people "act their best." They say what you want to hear, are always on their best behavior, and make every effort to gain your favor.
However, the question is not what he says, but what he does to back up his claims...
and his consistency in doing so.
3. Occasionally, he does not speak at all.
Men who lack emotional maturity must constantly prove themselves to you.
To achieve this, they must, well, always be talking. Typically regarding themselves.
They feel uneasy in silence because it makes them wonder what you're thinking, whether you're bored, if you don't like them, or if they're missing an opportunity to tell you how fantastic they are.
Consequently, they fill that void with "features and perks" of dating them.
Granted, some individuals get uncomfortable with quiet and want to fill the void for a variety of reasons. However, I would think it falls under the same category as the previously listed personality and does not qualify as "emotionally mature."
Some of these arguments may be controversial and polarizing due to the act that not everyone has complete control over their responses to stimuli, but that does not make them less deserving of life.
The criterion that must be reached, however, is that of an emotionally mature guy, and one of those characteristics, in my opinion, is the capacity to just listen, absorb, and digest information without constantly interjecting his own opinions and thoughts.
Thus, when he does talk, everyone around him will recognize his words as significant and thoughtful. As the idiom goes, "still waters run deep."
4. It is possible for him to be challenged WITHOUT feeling intimidated.
Being challenged and being threatened are two whole different things, but it takes emotional maturity to realize the distinction.
Those that value development and alteration invite difficulties into their lives. They see that it presents an opportunity to problem-solve, to alter their way of thinking, and to surpass what they believed to be possible in order to overcome what is in front of them.
Without this viewpoint, however, every difficulty would feel like a threat.
When you disagree with him, you pose a challenge to his beliefs.
New rivalry at work poses a threat to his employment.
When a challenging challenge develops, it poses a threat to his ego.
Now, the reality of life is that there are sometimes hazards, but we must be able to distinguish between them or we risk treating them similarly.
Challenges are a part of life, and if you choose to spend the rest of your life with this person, you will face a number of them together.
Health obstacles, financial obstacles, compatibility obstacles, parenting obstacles; the list goes on.
The question is not if they will occur (they will)...
The question is whether he is equipped to handle them when they occur.
5: He makes you feel safe.
Since we are discussing emotional development, this issue also pertains to emotional security.
Obviously, all types of safety are necessary in a relationship, because no one who feels unsafe in any way can or should fully offer oneself to another person.
Emotional safety, however, is when you feel comfortable opening yourself to another person and forming a deep, judgment-free bond.
Acceptance and love define emotional maturity. It allows you to enter without wondering what the "catch" is or what would happen next.
Emotional maturity offers you a safe haven because it has already constructed one for itself. If a person has not accomplished that degree of work and lives in turbulence and confusion, how can you expect anything different when you enter that world?
6. He accepts accountability.
How many men have you been with in the past who evaded all blame for wrongdoing? Or refuses to admit mistakes? Or could they simply...not be at fault? Refused to offer an apology (ever)?
We can probably all agree that this does not fit the criteria for "emotional maturity"; in fact, it's just the contrary.
Therefore, the reverse of this would be an indicator of emotional maturity: the capacity and willingness to accept responsibility for one's actions.
Not only acts, however, but also thinking, personal growth, achievements, failures, victories, errors...
Extreme responsibility is the mentality of the U.S. Navy SEALS, whose motto is "everything is my fault."
At first look, this may appear self-pitying or even helpless; but, the more we investigate, the more we realize that it is about taking responsibility for one's actions. Being the one to initiate change requires initiative. Attempting to solve an issue regardless of whether or not you caused it.
These men are trustworthy and dependable, making them excellent teammates and life companions. Because it is a part of who they are, you can count on them to step up for you as well.
7. He is aware of what he is (or is not) prepared for.
You've done it before, haven't you? You have attempted to "cure" someone. You have taken on a "project" as opposed to a "partner." You've convinced yourself that if you simply love them enough/in the right way/with the proper intensity, they'll fall into your arms for the rest of their lives...
Then, after months or years of trying, you realized that this is not how things operate.
It makes no difference what you say or do if a person is not prepared to receive you.
If you're not ready, or you've recently ended a relationship, or you're going through a turbulent moment of life, it's irrelevant what others say or do; only what you feel ready for matters.
The key to emotional development is awareness.
It does not force itself into inappropriate relationships at inappropriate times.
It does not deceive itself into believing that it is prepared for something it is not.
It is self-aware enough to realize that behaving for the wrong reasons would only result in future heartbreak and sorrow.
If he is prepared, you will know and sense it. If he is not, you will always wonder about his emotions.
8. He is capable of self-reflection.
Emotionally mature men recognize both the difficulty and the importance of going inward and being truthful about what (and who) they see.
This is one of the most challenging things we can undertake, as it takes an unfiltered look at ourselves and the possibility of not enjoying what we discover.
However, the value is in understanding oneself to a degree that few are willing to achieve. This provides us with the ability and clarity to recognize the good, the terrible, the doubtful, and the awkward.
While some may squirm at the concept, it is essential to realize that improvements in oneself cannot be made without first identifying areas for improvement.
It is simple to avoid what we do not wish to see and even to pretend it does not exist. Confronting them head-on is not only difficult, but also crucial. That requires true fortitude and maturity.
9. He can prioritize your needs.
Great relationships are based on giving and receiving, not taking and giving.
Creating a genuine relationship with someone is impossible if one (or both) of the individuals retains the selfish characteristics that suited them well while they were alone.
The same mentality does not apply to forming close relationships or families.
We must be willing to compromise, make sacrifices, and contribute to our partner in all aspects – emotionally, physically, and spiritually — and they must reciprocate our efforts.
If a man is still making every effort to live as a bachelor, he should be permitted to do so.
10: He is patient.
When we are young and enthusiastically listing the characteristics of our perfect mate, "patience" is not necessarily at the top of the list.
As we mature, though, get more life experiences, meet more people, and realize what's truly important in life, it becomes clear that patience is a major role in the quality of a relationship and how two people integrate their lives.
When getting to know each other, learning about different family traditions, arranging parties or events together, meeting each other's family and friends, and especially when planning a wedding, patience is required.
Patience is an indicator of emotional maturity since it recognizes there is no point in rushing anything if you want it to last forever.
11. He is inspired rather than terrified by your strength.
A partnership is a relationship. To develop the life and love that we both desire, we must collaborate with another person; this cannot occur if just one person puts in work or effort.
Additionally, it cannot occur if one person perceives their partner's initiative as an attempt to "overpower" or "overshadow" them.
Instead, we must recognize this for what it is: someone exerting equal effort to match our strength to their own.
Collaboration makes the dream work.
12. He lives in complete accordance with his identity.
Our identity and purpose are the driving reasons behind our daily activities. They determine our happiness and sense of fulfillment. They direct our decision-making and guarantee that we live in accordance with our values and beliefs.
Consequently, a lack of clarity on one's identity and purpose can result in confusion and conflict inside oneself.
How can we decide what is best for "me" if we do not know who "me" is?
How can we be guided by our values if they are ambiguous?
How can we choose the appropriate companion if we don't know what (or who) we want in life?
A man who has developed and nurtured his identity will be in the process of constructing his life around this primary core. Consequently, he will be able to recognize the appropriate objects (and people) when they appear.
For the proper gentleman - you.
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